Monday, June 20, 2011

Respect At Home

What do you do as a mom, when you can't get any respect from your kids?  I know that my children were taught and shown how to respect themselves, family and others along with many other values.  Respect started at home as the mantra goes.  So what happened?

I find that as my son has gotten older the disrespect has grown.  The kind of disrespect that I'm talking about for example; talking back, arguing, refusing to do something when asked to, using language that is offensive, lying to me, walking away when being spoken to, hanging up the phone on me, and the list continues.

The thing is, I understand about the teen angst.  We all have to live that to grow.  He used to be so angry and some time has enabled him to calm that a little.  Yet it still doesn't explain the reason for his rudeness and disrespect.  I'm talking about my son more because he is the one that is displaying this behaviour more.

My daughter is occasionally disrespectful but when confronted will immediately apologize.  My son on the other hand will continue even though he's called on his behaviour.  Sometimes, we actually sit down together and have a conversation that explains what's happening with him.  I'll explain where I'm coming from and how important respect is in our lives.  Then he goes right back to doing the same things again.  

If you're going to ask whether I've taken steps to rectify the problem, the answer is a resounding yes.  I've taken away privileges, spoken to him as soon as the behaviour is displayed, yelled(which doesn't work but allows you to let some of that steam off.) and given the ultimatums and carried them through.  Short of taking a switch to his behind(sounds darn good but he's too strong and old for me to make that happen)which would make me feel better but accomplish nothing.  Violence breeds violence.

Where do I go from here?  As I said above, I understand that during the teen years heightened emotions and feelings about one's life is swirling around like a dark cloud all of the time.  He might feel that I'm always nagging him to do things and the big one, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM".  He would be right.  I don't have all of the answers.  I'm learning as I go.  There are books and articles abound on the Internet to help.   Use parent groups and friends and family especially are always a storehouse of information.

Respect: A Girl's Guide to Getting Respect & Dealing When Your Line Is Crossed
Following the Rules: Learning about Respect (Character Education Readers)


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